Unforgiven
by EternallyEC
Summary: John and Natalie go through hell and high water to be together through seemingly impossible circumstances and then have to fight to keep their small family from being ripped apart by specters from the pastand present. Chapter 19 up!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** If I owned them this would be on-screen, kay? –sigh- Fine. The show belongs to ABC; the song belongs to Andrew Lloyd Webber and some other people.

**Author's Note:** The song excerpt is from "Another Suitcase in Another Hall", and it is a song from one of the best musicals ever _Evita._ The lyrics fit Nat so perfectly I had to find a way to use them in a story…

**Summary:** Natalie and John are again separated by a huge misunderstanding, can they get past it with the help of a certain lawyer (no not who you're thinking)?

**Rating: **PG at the most for language

**Title: **Unforgiven

_Time and time again I've said that I don't care_

_That I'm immune to gloom_

_That I'm hard through and through_

_But every time it matters all my words desert me_

_So anyone can hurt me_

_And they do_

_Evita; composed by Andrew Lloyd Webber_

Natalie stared at John, shocked beyond belief and hurting more than she had ever thought was possible. "You… you knew he was alive?" she asked, pointing a trembling finger at Cristian. John stared at his feet. "Look at me, damn it!" Finally giving up she grabbed his chin and forced him to meet her gaze.

John's eyes were swimming with tears and her grip tightened. "Don't you dare cry. Don't you dare!" she screamed. "You don't have the right. You've known all along he was really Cris, but you've been sleeping with me anyway? How the hell could you do that? Don't you have a conscience?" She began to cry and let her hand drop. He reached out for her and she jerked away violently.

"Don't." she said in a quietly dangerous tone. "You will never touch me again, John." She looked at him, pain and contempt blazing from her fiery eyes. "Natalie?" Cristian asked hopefully. She scoffed as she grabbed her coat. "You have to be kidding me! Him not telling me was bad enough, but he was just doing what _you_ told him to." She slapped Cristian hard. "I will never forgive either of you."

As Natalie stormed from the hotel room, Cristian lifted his chin slightly. "Way to go, McBain." John looked at him, unable to believe his ears. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Cristian shook his head, not sure whether he should punch John or tell him. He decided on the latter, if only because it would ultimately cause him the most pain.

"I never thought you'd keep the truth from her. I was sure you'd see it would only make you lose her forever when she found out." He laughed bitterly. "And I was right." "Get out," John ordered in an icy tone. His hands curled into fists, itching to punch Cristian, who laughed. "Gladly." He walked out of the hotel room grinning. He may have lost Natalie, but at least now he knew John was going through what he had gone through for so many months in that prison cell…

Three hours after the confrontation Natalie was sitting at home—well, it wasn't home exactly; home was John's hotel room… _Home **used** to be John's hotel room,_ she reminded herself firmly. It still hadn't sunk in yet. Her eyes were tearless, and she knew she was in shock. She smiled grimly as she wished she could keep it this way. Not feeling anything had to be better than to feel the pain she knew was coming… didn't it?

Back at the Angel Square Hotel, John was drinking heavily. He knew that he had lost Natalie for good by keeping the secret from her—hadn't she as much as told him that? Yet some small part of his heart continued to whisper that eventually she would come around. He didn't want to have that hope, because he knew that if he did he would never be able to give her the space she deserved, but his heart refused to listen to his mind.

John groaned and let his forehead hit the table with a thud. Dull pain ran through his forehead but he ignored it easily, he had felt much, much worse during his years on the job. The pain in his heart wasn't so easy to forget.

After Caitlin he had sworn he would never get close enough to someone to feel that kind of pain again… He stood to his feet, grabbed his coat and walked out of the hotel room. The door closed with a decisive click behind him. The next time he saw that room he would be a changed man…

Natalie had finally fallen asleep on the library sofa, and that's where she was when Cristian peered in through the doors. He turned the knob and it opened easily. He walked in quietly and went to sit by her side, unable to resist running a hand over her hair. Natalie sighed softly and a gentle smile crept over her lips. Cristian smiled and kissed her. "John…" she sighed quietly and his heart broke when he heard the love in her voice.

He stood to his feet. "I still love you," he whispered, unable to take his hand off of her head. "I know you obviously don't feel the same about me, so I'm not going to try to make you." He bent down and kissed her forehead, and touched his lips to hers one last time. "Good-bye, Natalie," he whispered into her ear before walking out of Llanfair for the last time.

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. Chapter 2: Misunderstandings

**Title: Unforgiven**

**Part 2 Title: Misunderstandings**

Two months later, everything in Natalie Vega's life had changed… and not necessarily for the better. Cristian had left Llanview, sending her a long letter to apologize for how he had handled things, and also encouraging her to forgive John. He had explained what had happened that last night and said he only wanted her to be as happy as possible.

John McBain however had a different idea. He had gone to the police that night and turned himself in for tampering with an already-illegal DNA test, and he was awaiting trial. He refused all visitors except his attorney; a gorgeous brunette named Kassie Cooke. Natalie had tried to see him several times and had only just given up…

"Tell John it's Natalie Vega." The guard smiled apologetically. "We did, ma'am, and he said that you don't really want to see him and not to bother him about it again." Natalie hit her fist on the desk and the guard jumped. "Damn it! Tell him that—"

"_I'm sorry. If you want to send a message to John McBain, why don't you give it to me? I'm headed in to see him now." Natalie turned to see a beautiful brunette with deep green eyes standing behind her, and she felt a knife rip through her heart as the guard greeted her. "Hey, Kassie. McBain's waiting." Kassie smiled at him. "Thanks Charlie. So, should I tell him anything in particular?"_

_Natalie shook her head as her eyes filled with tears. "No. That's all right." She hurried out of the prison, barely making it to her car before the hot tears began to fall. She laid her head on the steering wheel as she sobbed…_

Kassie Cooke was talking to John McBain about his chances for the trial. "You just won't give me any leverage at all to use, will you?" John shook his head. "I don't deserve to get out of here… I need to spend the rest of my life paying for what I did to Natalie." "Natalie…" Kassie frowned.

"What?" "The other day when I came in there was a Natalie Vega demanding to see you. I told her if she wanted to send a message to you to do it through me. Then she looked really upset and got the hell out of Dodge. I really screwed up didn't I?" John put his hands over his face and groaned loudly. "Yeah, you really did. Natalie and I… We have a complicated past full of misunderstandings. I guess this is just another good example." He chuckled dryly.

"You know, maybe this is a good thing. Now she can move on with her life." Kassie smirked. "You don't want her to move on, McBain. You need to tell her how you feel or you're going to regret it for the rest of your life." She stood up. "Now, if there's nothing else you'd like to discuss I'm going to go find Natalie and tell her to come see you." She walked out not giving him a chance to retaliate.

John shook his head. "Damn it, why did I hire her?" He smiled as he remembered it was her stubbornness, the way she sank her teeth into a case and never let go. Why did he have a feeling that he and Natalie were going to be Kassie's next case?

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. Chapter 3: Working Things Out

**Title: Unforgiven**

**Part 3 Title: Working Things Out**

_Recap: Cristian reveal is over and done with, Cris moved because he knows Nat loves John but John is in prison and refuses to see Natalie. But Kassie Cooke, his new lawyer, refuses to let him ruin his chances at happiness…_

Natalie was halfheartedly getting dressed to go to the country club with Jessica and Antonio. They had been trying their best to take her mind off of John for the past few months and as grateful as she was, she couldn't help being annoyed at their intrusion. The country club just wasn't her scene and both of them knew that, but they had insisted she come along. She grumbled to herself as she smoothed the wrinkles out of her blue dress.

_John always loved this dress._ She pushed the thought away, telling herself silently to stop. John didn't want anything to do with her anymore, he had made that perfectly clear. She grabbed a brush and raked it roughly through her hair. As she stared at herself in the mirror she suddenly realized she needed a change. She bit her lip as she remembered the sensations of John tangling his hands in her hair.

Grabbing the scissors from her dresser she took a chunk of her hair into her hand and taking a deep breath, she cut. Once she started it was easy to continue. As the red locks fell to the ground around her she began to sob. Finally she lay the scissors back down and took a look in the mirror, nodding. She liked the look. She would have to visit a hairdresser—not Roxy, she would want to know what had happened—to get it evened out, but she liked the difference.

She grabbed her cell phone and dialed Antonio's number. "Yeah, I'm not going to be able to make it tonight. No, everything is just fine." As she smiled at herself in the mirror she wondered at how long it had been since she had been able to honestly say that. _It's been too long,_ she silently answered herself. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow for breakfast." She hung up the pone and grabbed her keys as she walked outside.

Two hours later she returned home to find the brunette from the prison waiting on her front porch. She sighed as she walked up to the cottage she had shared with Cristian. It had seemed appropriate for her to move back here after finding out the truth about Cristian, as if she was proving to herself that she could survive all the bad memories it contained. Shaking her head, she walked onto the front steps and paused, folding her arms over her chest. "What do you want?"

Kassie stood to her feet. "I think our meeting was handled rather badly. I'm Kassie Cooke, John's attorney." Natalie tried to ignore the rush of relief she felt at the words. "And?" Kassie smiled despite herself, she loved this girl already. She reminded her of herself, strong and defiant on the outside but oh too vulnerable where it really counted. "Well, I'm here to take you to see the man who loves you." Natalie smirked.

"If he loves me he would have seen me one of the dozen times I came to see him before. He's long over me, Ms. Cooke." She opened the door and moved to step inside before hearing Kassie's soft reply, "Natalie, he loves you. I've known there was someone ever since I first met him; I could see it in his eyes. He's a goner, and I think he has been for a long while."

Natalie gave her a cool appraising look. "Even if you're right why the hell do you care?" Kassie smiled. "I like John, and I think I would like you if you weren't so hell bent on hating me. I also hate seeing John rot in prison for something he could easily get off the hook for, but he has no reason to get out. I honestly think you would change that, Natalie." "And why the sudden epiphany, hmm? John hasn't wanted to see me in months so why did he change his mind now?"

Kassie hesitated. "I see," Natalie replied coldly. "Natalie, wait. John doesn't want to see you because he doesn't think he deserves to after he put you through whatever the hell he put you through. Do you agree?" Natalie hesitated, on the one hand she was ready to slam the door shut in Kassie's face but on the other hand—She sighed. "I'll be at the prison in five minutes." She shut the door and Kassie walked back to her car.

TO BE CONTINUED


	4. Chapter 4: More Secrets

**Unforgiven**

**Chapter 4: More Secrets**

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing!

**DEDICATION: **This chapter is dedicated to GaGirl/Katie for two reasons:

Yesterday was her anniversary and this is her late prezzie from me:)

She is the reason I got hooked on J-Crack in the first place!

_Recap: Cristian reveal is over and done with, Cris moved away and John turned himself in for illegal DNA tampering. He has been refusing to see Natalie out of shame for the way he hurt her but his lawyer, Kassie Cooke, is determined to make them see how they truly feel about each other._

Natalie had changed into jeans and a shirt before taking several deep breaths and beginning the drive to Statesville. Out of habit she tried to twist her hair around her finger and froze as her hand traveled up to the base of her neck where her hair now ended. Her grip tightened around the strands as she pulled into the parking lot. She tried to imagine John's reaction as she slammed her car door. Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself for whatever was to come.

Once inside she saw Kassie waiting for her. "You ready?" Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves Natalie nodded stiffly. Kassie put a gentle arm around her. "Hey, it's okay. You have nothing to worry about it." Natalie gave her a small smile and sighed. "Okay, I'm ready now." Kassie nodded towards the guard who led Natalie into the waiting room, leaving Kassie behind.

As Natalie's eyes fell on John for the first time since he'd gone to prison her eyes hungrily drank him in. There was so much about him that had changed. He was leaner and his hair was much longer, not to mention he looked as if he'd aged ten years in the past three months. She walked slowly over to sit down in the chair, but the guard interrupted. "Ma'am, Ms. Cooke arranged for you two to meet in a private room."

Natalie smiled gratefully as the guard let her into the other room, then led them both into John's cell. She walked slowly towards John, stopping about six inches from him. Despite how badly she wanted to rush into his arms and let him hold her she had to know he still wanted her. John reached out a hand and touched her hair. "You cut it," he said. Natalie reached up, covering his hand with her own as their eyes locked. "Yeah… What do you think?"

John opened his mouth to answer but surprised the both of them when he kissed her passionately. As they wrapped their arms around each other they let their bodies relax into the comfortable embrace. John was the one to break the kiss, breathing heavily. "I'm sorry," he whispered, touching his forehead to hers. "Sorry for what? Do I look like I'm complaining?" Natalie replied, kissing him again.

Finally they pulled apart, smiling shyly at each other as they sat down. "Sorry for the sparse furnishings," John quipped. She laughed at his attempt to break the ice and grabbed his hand, kissing the palm softly. "Okay. John, I have some things I really need to say to you and I don't know where to begin." John nodded his eyes full of sadness and regret. She smiled brilliantly at him. "Don't worry, it's not all bad."

Natalie took a breath and began. "First of all you know Cristian realized how much I loved you that night and he left so we could be together. But then when I was finally ready to forgive you, you refused to see me." John hated the pain he could see he had caused her as she fought back tears and continued. "Basically, I just need to know where we stand right now." She brought John's hand to her cheek as she looked into his eyes.

He sighed, knowing that what he was about to have to tell her would cause a rift deeper than the truth about Cristian. He gently placed his other hand over hers and leaned in, kissing her forehead softly. "I have to tell you something before I try to find out where we stand." His voice was somber enough to scare her. She leaned in and kissed him softly. "Just tell me."

TO BE CONTINUED


	5. Chapter 5: Revelations

**Unforgiven**

**Chapter 5: Revelations**

_Recap: Cristian reveal is over and done with, Cris moved away and John turned himself in for illegal DNA tampering. He has finally seen Natalie for the first time since he went to prison. She made a speech and he announced he had something to tell her._

Natalie's voice was quiet as she wrapped her arms around John's neck. "Tell me." John sighed and couldn't resist stealing one more kiss. She smiled softly against his lips. "This is going to hurt you, Natalie. It's the last thing I want to do, but damn it—It's like Michael said, when I decide to torch my life I go all out." He dropped his gaze to the floor, too ashamed to look at her.

Natalie kept her arms around his neck and waited. He brought his eyes up to meet hers again. "That night—after you told me that you wanted nothing more to do with me I got drunker than I've ever been trying to drown the pain. It didn't work. I knew nothing would make me feel better except making myself feel worse, so…" Natalie's breath caught in her throat. "What? John, tell me."

"I went out and found a woman at a bar." Natalie went numb. "What?" she whispered. "That's not all," John choked out. "What else is there? Tell me!" John met her eyes, tenderly brushing her bangs back. "She's pregnant," he whispered. With that sentence everything Natalie had thought she'd known collapsed around her.

Police officer Amber Marie studied her reflection in the bathroom mirror, looking for a reason why John had done this to her. She was a beautiful redhead who looked quite a bit like Natalie. That had after all been the reason John had chosen her for his revenge against himself. She was a mere twenty years old and far from ready for a baby. She placed a hand on her slightly swollen abdomen and sighed. Ready or not, there was a baby coming. She just had to decide what the hell she was going to do about it.

John knew. She had made sure to tell him as soon as she'd found out, and he had reacted like she'd known he would. He had been angry at himself for not using protection and upset at what the news would do to Natalie. But he had sworn he would take care of his child the best way he knew how. The only problem was that Amber didn't want to have a baby. She had been raised firmly to be against abortion however, so she knew she wouldn't be able to go through with one. What the hell was she going to do?

"Natalie—" She swallowed and pulled back. "Listen, I need to think." She stood to her feet unsteadily. How could her John have done this to her? Oh yeah—to satisfy his screwed up philosophy that he had to be miserable to be happy. She laughed hollowly. "Who was it, John? Was it someone I know?" He nodded and looked down. "It was Amber," he whispered. Natalie gasped.

Amber had been one of her closest friends at the police station. She was a very sweet girl who always had time to talk about anything that might be bothering Natalie, and even though Natalie had thought she had a bit of a crush on John she never would have dreamed the young woman capable of this. "Did Amber know you were using her?" Natalie demanded.

John sighed. Leave it to Natalie to defend the person the man she loved had slept with. "Yes. I was drunk as hell and she knew it. She said she didn't care and that she wanted me at least once so that she could move on with her life." he replied, looking at her with shame. Natalie couldn't think, couldn't breathe. "I need to get out of here. I will be back and I swear to God McBain if you tell the guards not to let me in again I will do whatever the hell I need to do to get in here—got it?"

John nodded and looked at her with a new dim hope in his eyes. "Natalie?" She turned at the door. "Yeah?" He swallowed, begging with his eyes for her to tell him the truth. "Do you think you can ever forgive me?" Natalie stared at him for a minute. "I'm not sure, but I think we can get through this eventually. I just need some time to be pissed off and hurt right now." He nodded as she walked out.

TO BE CONTINUED


	6. Chapter 6: Forgiveness

**Unforgiven**

**Part 6: Forgiveness**

Amber burned a hole through the police report she was filling out, knowing John must have told Natalie when she saw the way the other woman's jaw tightened when she looked at her. She silently begged whatever higher power there was to let Natalie decide to save the confrontation for another day. She just couldn't deal with the words she knew she deserved from the other woman today.

She sighed as she saw Natalie walk towards her. _This is just not my day._ She was less than surprised when Natalie stopped in front of her desk, but she was in no way prepared for the gentle smile that was aimed her way. Catching herself before she could turn to see if anyone was standing behind her, she smiled weakly.

"Hey. When do you go to lunch?" Amber knew her face showed her shock when Natalie laughed slightly and lowered her voice. "Yes, I know about everything," she said meaningfully. Amber looked down at the file. "Then I don't think there's anything further to discuss," she replied in a cold voice as she fought back tears. Natalie lay a hand on her shoulder.

"Amber, I know you. If it were anyone else I wouldn't be willing to try to work this out. I'd yell at you and then leave it alone, but I think we're friends. I really hate to lose my friends, especially since I have so few of them." She squeezed Amber's shoulder gently. "Come on, let's go to lunch." Amber smiled weakly through her tears and stood to her feet. "All right."

Kassie cursed as John told her everything that had happened with Natalie. "You are an idiot aren't you?" she asked, exasperated. John chuckled dryly. "Yeah, you could say that." Kassie looked at him sympathetically. "What did she have to say about it?" He ran a hand through his hair, smiling softly. "She said we have a chance." Kassie's eyebrow lifted. "She's ten times the woman I'll ever be then," she grinned.

"So, are you finally ready to give me something I can use to get you the hell out of here?" John grinned right back at her, imagining making love to Natalie in their bed. "Yeah. Damn straight I am."

At Rodi's, Natalie was drinking a beer as Amber nursed a Coke and they shared a plate of fries covered with mustard. They ate in companionable silence and when the food was gone, Amber took a deep breath. "I don't know what I was thinking. Actually, I don't think I was. Thinking, that is." Natalie nodded, completely understanding. "I've been there a few times myself," she replied, thinking in particular of her marriage to Mitch.

Amber shook her head. "No. You don't understand. He showed up at my door, trashed as hell. I told him to go home to you and he said that you didn't give a damn about him anymore. Then he begged me to make him forget. He never once looked at my face." Her voice cracked. "He kept his eyes on my hair. That was how I knew what he was doing, but I couldn't stop myself. Before I knew it, everything was over and he was begging me for my forgiveness. I told him I'd known all along he was just using me and to go home."

She took a deep breath. "A month ago, I went to the doctor because I suspected something had gone wrong. I'm not on the Pill and we didn't use anything. He confirmed my suspicions and I immediately told John." Her gaze met Natalie's. "You're one of the best friends I've ever had, Natalie. I'm so sorry and I hope you can forgive me." Natalie hesitated for a moment and then pulled the younger woman into her arms. "Amber, I've never had a close friend before you. I really don't want to lose that, and we're going to have to deal with each other a lot. I'd rather it be with us on good terms, wouldn't you?"

"There's one more thing." "What?" She bit her lip. "I don't want this baby," she whispered. Natalie's eyes widened slightly. "You're not thinking—" Amber shook her head violently. "No! I can't believe you would even think that!" She glared at Natalie who put her hands up in surrender. "Whoa, I was just checking. So what are you planning on doing about it?"

Kassie's eyes gleamed as John finished filling in the facts surrounding his case. She slammed her briefcase shut triumphantly as she instinctively embraced him. "You are getting out of here, McBain. There's no way these charges are going to stick for long, not with the way they handled the case." She grinned back at John as she reached the door. "You're a damn lucky man, McBain. Don't you forget it." She left, and John smiled. "I know," he whispered.

"I know."

TO BE CONTINUED


	7. Chapter 7: Suprises SMUT

**Unforgiven**

**Part 7: Surprises**

_Recap: Cristian reveal is over and done with, Cris moved away and John turned himself in for illegal DNA tampering. He has finally seen Natalie for the first time since he went to prison. She made a speech and he admitted to sleeping with and impregnating her friend Amber, a fellow police officer when Natalie had left him. She and Amber cleared the air, with Amber admitting she didn't want the baby, while Kassie (John's lawyer who is playing matchmaker for the pair) told John how lucky he was._

"I'll repeat the question," Natalie said after waiting for a moment with no answer. "What are you planning on doing about the baby Amber?" She watched as the other woman sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "I don't know. I've been trying to decide that ever since I found out about the baby." Natalie bit her lower lip thoughtfully. "How long have you known?" Amber visibly relaxed. "I found out at about three weeks and told John a week later."

Natalie nodded. "Okay. So, what options have you thought about?" Amber sighed and moved to rub her stomach. "Well, adoption. But I don't want to give my baby to strangers, or I have thought about asking John if he wants full custody." Natalie smiled. "I'm sure he'd love that." She glanced down at her watch. "My lunch break has been over for thirty minutes! I've got to get back to the station."

Amber laughed. "Good thing you've got family in high places, huh?" Natalie grinned. "Too bad Uncle Bo doesn't let that interfere." They hugged. "Look, sweetie. We both have some major decisions ahead of us, but promise me you won't do a thing without talking to me or John first okay?" Amber nodded. "I promise. Now go before you get yourself fired." Natalie smacked her shoulder playfully, grabbed her purse and walked out.

A month later, thanks mainly to Kassie's brilliance and a judge's fairness, John was finally being released. He walked out of the prison to find Natalie waiting to jump into his arms. As he swung her around she whispered in his ear and giggled as she felt his reaction to her words. "Damn woman, let's get home." They grinned and John pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. "I love you." Her eyes filled with tears. "I love you too. Now, let's get home. I'm ready to show you exactly how much I missed you."

_**S M U T**_

As soon as they had gotten into the house and the front door was shut and locked, John and Natalie lost no time in losing themselves in a passionate kiss. They made it no further than the couch beside the door when they began to rip away their clothes. Once there was no fabric between them, John pushed Natalie onto the couch and hungrily nipped and kissed his way down to her breasts, licking and teasing her nipples until she was writhing below him.

He finally took her nipple into his mouth, suckling gently. She arched her back and pressed herself into his mouth even deeper. His fingers found her folds, and he groaned feeling his control quickly running out. As he poised himself over her, she moaned and thrust her hips upward. "I need you now," she gasped, slipping a hand around his length and guiding him to her warmth.

John groaned at her wet tightness and began to move frantically, trying to bring her to the edge he was fast approaching. Within moments he gasped out, "I—I can't wait." She pulled his ears to her mouth and whispered, "Then don't." Placing his mouth on her sensitized nipple, she gasped as he roughly licked and nipped at it, then slipped a hand between their bodies. As he fondled her most sensitive spot, she saw stars as she came, her muscles bringing John to his own release.

He moved so that they were lying side by side facing each other. As their hands wandered each other's bodies, their eyes never left each other's. He leaned forward and captured her lips in a short sweet kiss. "I love you." She took his hand and brought it to her chest. "Feel my heart? That's what you do to me, McBain. I love you." She kissed him.

"Oh, and I found something out yesterday." "Really?" John dipped down to take her nipple into his mouth. "Mmm, John wait." She lifted his head and gazed into his eyes, grinning like the Cheshire cat. "What?" She grinned even wider, loving the suspense she had him in. Suddenly his hand dipped down and a finger slid partially inside of her, only to be removed when she pressed into his touch.

"What do you have to tell me?" She pressed his hand between her legs, pushing into his touch. "I'm pregnant," she gasped as his probing fingers brought her to another orgasm.

TO BE CONTINUED


	8. Chapter 8: Revelations SMUT

**Chapter 8: Revelations**

John felt Natalie shudder against him as he brought his hand up to touch her stomach tenderly. "You're—you're pregnant?" He swallowed and she smiled, covering his hand with her own. "Yes. I'm about three months along." John gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as he slowly caressed her flat belly. His hand suddenly stopped as he did the math. "So you and Amber—" "Are due around the same time," she finished for him.

He smiled and gently kissed her, then moved his lips down to caress her belly lightly. "So you have our child inside of you right now," he said, awe apparent in his voice as he moved back up her body to gently touch her face. Her face broke into a smile as her hand joined his on her stomach. "Yes," she whispered, pulling him into a deep kiss. "Isn't it amazing?" John's breath was taken away by her obvious happiness.

I don't think that words can express how amazing this is," he whispered, touching his forehead to hers. He moved forward to capture her lips in what started off as a soft kiss but it quickly turned passionate. He very slowly made his way down her body, gently pulling her sensitive nipple into his mouth. She moaned as she arched her back and tangled her fingers in his hair. Smiling, he moved his attention to her other breast.

Natalie closed her eyes as he moved his lips to place butterfly kisses on every exposed inch of her stomach. Her face broke into a delighted smile as he stood to his feet, picking her up and carrying her to their bedroom. "I feel like I'm the princess being swept off by her prince," she giggled. "Well I'm no prince, but I sure as hell don't mind sweeping you off your feet." John brought his lips to hers again as she tilted her head back to give him better access. Their tongues met in a fiery duel as they fell onto the bed, with Natalie landing on top of him.

As their mouths expressed everything their words couldn't John raked his fingers through Natalie's hair, groaning when she pulled away. Her eyes sparkled mischievously as she pinned his hands over his head, moving in for a slow, deep kiss. He wanted desperately to pull her to him more tightly, but as he tried to free his hands Natalie moved her lips next to his ear. "McBain, relax. I want to drive for a while." Her voice was thick with desire, and that combined with the feel of her hot breath in his ear made John moan involuntarily.

She smiled and kissed him again, sliding her tongue into his mouth and relaxing her grip on his hands. Instantly his arms were around her, pulling her to him tightly. Moaning, she stood to her feet, winking at him as she tried to catch her breath. "I can see you're not going to make this easy." She walked out of the room and returned a moment later with a pair of handcuffs. She set the keys on the table by the door and walked to the bed, twirling the bonds leisurely in her hands as John watched, intrigued.

Natalie sat on John's chest and made short work of handcuffing his hands to the bedposts. Tossing her hair to the side she moved her attention to his neck, smiling as she heard him groan at the sensations rushing through him. Her teeth lightly nipped and tugged at his neck for a moment before moving down to his chest. Her tongue circled his nipple teasingly before she pulled it into her mouth, reveling in the sound of John's gasp.

She released his nipple and John's eyes closed as he concentrated on the feel of her warm tongue tracing a path down his chest. He groaned as she neared the place he needed to feel her the most and stopped, moving further down to lick and tease his inner thigh before finally circling his tip. As she ran her tongue along his throbbing member he moaned her name. "I—I can't," he panted. Understanding, Natalie took him fully into her mouth. John groaned and his hips involuntarily bucked at the feel of her hot mouth creating the rhythm he had been waiting for.

When he couldn't take it anymore he came, gasping her name. Natalie cleaned him with her tongue before moving back up his body, moaning as she kissed him. "Natalie," John moaned against her lips as he hardened again. Feeling his erection pressing into her, Natalie slowly lowered herself onto his shaft eliciting a mutual moan of pleasure from both. She began to move quickly, unable to restrain herself after the exquisite torture she had put John through. As she reached her peak she caught John's lips in a fiery kiss as they both tumbled over the edge.

Breathing heavily, Natalie moved so she was lying with her head on John's chest. Grabbing the keys she unlocked the handcuffs. John pulled her into his arms, kissing her deeply. "What you do to me… The next time, I'll have the handcuffs." Natalie giggled against his lips. "Sounds like a plan. I love you, John." He gently rubbed her cheek with his thumb as he stared deep into her gorgeous eyes. "I love you too." He leaned down to kiss her belly. "And I love you." Natalie smiled as he came back up to catch her lips in a soft, gentle kiss.

"Natalie, will you marry me?"

TO BE CONTINUED


	9. Chapter 9: Bliss and Suprises SlightSmut

**Chapter 9: Bliss and Secrets**

_Recap: Cristian reveal is over and done with, Cris moved away and John turned himself in for illegal DNA tampering. He has finally seen Natalie for the first time since he went to prison. She made a speech and he admitted to sleeping with and impregnating her friend Amber, a fellow police officer when Natalie had left him. She and Amber cleared the air, with Amber admitting she didn't want the baby, while Kassie (John's lawyer who is playing matchmaker for the pair) told John how lucky he was. John was released from prison, he and Nat made love and she revealed she's pregnant. They made love again and John just asked her to marry him._

**Slightly Smutty**

Natalie's breath caught in her throat as she tried to process what had just happened. "Did you just ask me to marry you?" She saw the insecurity in his eyes and kissed him, gently tangling her fingers in his hair. "Of course I will!" He pulled her more tightly to him, burying his face in her hair as he tried to absorb the fact that this gorgeous woman had actually accepted his proposal. Pulling back he pressed a sweet kiss to her lips and whispered, "I'll be right back."

Natalie watched him walk from the room, admiring the view as she snuggled deeper into the covers. John walked back into the room, his hand behind his back. He gently pulled Natalie to her feet and knelt on one knee in front of her. "I'm going to do this right. Natalie, I've known that we were meant to be together from the moment you walked into Crossroads. Now years later we finally got our act together. I may have been overconfident, but the day after we made love on the roof I knew we would always be together, so I bought this."

He brought his hands out from behind his back, revealing a black jewelry box with a gorgeous gold princess-cut ring set with a small sapphire surrounded by tiny sparkling diamonds. Natalie gasped at the beauty of it as he continued, "Natalie, will you marry me?" Dropping to her knees beside him she threw herself into his arms, causing him to lose his balance and fall over backwards. "Is that a yes?" he asked, smiling widely. Natalie kissed him passionately as they both sat back up and held out her hand impatiently.

"There is one thing I want to show you," he said as he took the ring out carefully, turning it so she could read the engraving. "'You are my salvation.' John--" There were tears in her voice and in her eyes as he slipped the ring on her finger, kissing her gently. "Natalie, you saved me when I didn't want to be saved. You refused to give up on me no matter how far I tried to push you away, and most of all you've helped me beat the darkness back." He brushed the hair away from her face as he watched the tears begin to stream down her face. "I hope those are happy tears?"

Natalie nodded emphatically, holding up her hand and watching the ring wink in the light. "I just can't believe this is happening. I'm so happy!" John smiled. "You deserve it more than anyone I know." He stood to his feet, picking her up and laying her on the bed. Keeping his lips a mere hair's breadth from hers, he whispered, "I can't wait to make you my wife." Natalie opened her mouth to reply but it turned into a moan as he brought his mouth to her breast.

5 Months Later

John and Natalie had been planning the perfect wedding for the last four months, having decided to just spend time together before worrying about the details for a month. John had noticed that though she tried to deny it, Natalie was getting worn out from all the stress and had asked to her to go to a spa with Amber. She had agreed that a break would be nice, and that was how she and Amber with their protruding bellies had ended up in this very well known spa designed for pregnant women.

As the two women relaxed in the hot tub, Natalie closed her eyes and an expression that was somehow a cross between a smile and grimace at the strong kicks hitting her stomach. Amber grinned at her. "Kicking up a storm huh?" Natalie nodded, rubbing her stomach. "Yes, as usual. I swear he must get this from his father—they both just love it when I'm uncomfortable." She winked at Amber and they laughed.

As they silently soaked in the warm water, Natalie began to think about everything that had happened over the past few months. Amber was no longer worried about the baby, because after talking with a therapist and John, she'd decided to keep her child and give up her career as a police officer. She was going to accept some help from her family and John until she found a new job. Natalie ran a hand in small circles over her belly, caught in the beautiful laziness of the moment.

Suddenly Amber sat up straight, her face twisted in a pained grimace as she clutched her stomach. "What is it?" Natalie asked, sitting up as well. "I don't know—it's like a sharp pain just went through my stomach." She rubbed her belly comfortingly. "It's gone now. I'm sure it was nothing." She smiled weakly at Nat, who looked unconvinced and worried.

"Really, it was probably nothing." Amber leaned back and tried to relax again. Suddenly the pain shot through her again, and she wrapped her arms around her stomach protectively, her troubled eyes meeting Natalie's. "That's it. We're going to see the doctor." Natalie slowly climbed out of the hot tub, helping the younger woman out. They hurriedly dried and dressed, making their way to the obstetrician's office.

Dr. Matthew Brown was an OB-GYN of great fame; a good deal of which he owed to his controversial methods. He was an attractive man in his mid-forties, with thick black hair and a face that had certainly aged well. He had been employed at the spa for shortly over two months now, and the women all raved about him. They would have been shocked to see the man they so admired as he was at this particular moment, his face twisted in a grimace of pure hatred and grief as he leafed through a tattered photo album. "Natalie Balsom will pay for what she did," he whispered, his finger tenderly stroking the face of a young blonde teenager who couldn't have been more than 15 years old. "By god, she will pay…"

TO BE CONTINUED


	10. Chapter 10: Bad News

**Unforgiven**

**Chapter 10: Bad News **

Natalie was sitting in the waiting room, flipping through an old issue of _Parents_ magazine as she waited for Amber's examination to be finished. They'd arrived half an hour earlier and the doctor had told Natalie she had to wait outside while he examined her. She frowned again as she thought about Dr. Brown. He seemed almost familiar, and not in a good way. She could almost swear she had met him somewhere before…

Dr. Brown entering the waiting room interrupted her thoughts. She stood to her feet as quickly as she was able and asked, "How is she?" His face was carefully blank as he replied, "Well, all the signs point to placental abruption—" Natalie cut him off. "Can you just tell me in plain English?" "Basically, the placenta has come away from the uterine wall and is causing bleeding, which puts the baby in jeopardy. We've discussed the possible options with Amber, and she's agreed to induce her labor. She also had to sign a form so we can use the new drug, Cytotec. Is there any family you should contact?"

Natalie's face had gone pale when she heard the word "induce" and she had to pull herself together to answer his question. "I--I need to let John know. He's the father." Dr. Brown nodded. "I have to prepare everything, so it should be at least another hour or so. She's asked that you be in the room with her—as long as you're willing of course." Natalie nodded. "Of course I will. Just—can you excuse me so I can call my fiancée?" He nodded. "Of course. I'll go on and have Amber prepped for surgery while I get everything ready."

Natalie walked out of the office, wondering how in the hell she was supposed to tell John his child was going to be born a month early—and that there was no way he would be able to get there before everything started. She dialed the phone and after a few rings he answered. "McBain." Despite the circumstances, she couldn't help smiling at the sound of his voice. "Vega," she said jokingly, drinking in the sound of his laugh. "Natalie, this is a nice surprise. I wasn't expecting to hear from you for another five or six hours." "Well, something's happened."

John heard the fear in her voice and lost no time in asking, "What's wrong?" Natalie bit her lip. "Amber was having some pain in the hot tub, so we came to see Dr. Brown. He's been examining her and just informed me that she has a condition called placental abruption. He has to induce her labor in about an hour, and she wants me in there with her." She paused, hearing nothing but breathing. "John?" "I'm here—isn't it too early for her to have the baby?" he asked, fighting to remain calm. "I don't know, he didn't say much and I was too freaked to question anything. But this has to be the best thing for the baby or he wouldn't do it."

Natalie heard the sound of things slamming around and frowned. "What are you doing?" "I'm packing. I'm coming down there." "John, you'll never make it in time—" "Well, I'm going to be there as soon as possible." Natalie smiled softly, touching her stomach. "Well, hurry your ass up then. I love you." His voice was soft as he replied, "I love you too, and I'll see you as soon as I can." "Okay, don't go getting yourself in an accident or getting a ticket—we need every penny for our wedding!" He chuckled lowly. "I really do love you, Natalie McBain, much more than you'll ever know." She smiled as he hung up.

Amber looked nervous when Natalie entered the room. "Hey." The older woman smiled. "Hey yourself. So you weren't joking when you said you couldn't wait for this baby to be born were you?" She lowered herself onto the bed beside Amber, neither laughing at the failed joke. "How are you dealing with this?" Amber took a deep shuddering breath. "I don't think it's really sunk in yet."

She looked at Natalie as she slowly moved to place both hands on her stomach. "She's kicking. Oh my god, in less than thirty minutes she's going to be on her way out here." Her panicked eyes met Natalie's. "Dr. Brown said that he's seen babies born earlier than this that survived—but what if she's not one of them?" Natalie placed her hand on Amber's stomach, feeling the strong kicks. "Sweetie, if she has half of either of her parent's determination and strength, then she's not just gonna 'make it.' She's going to come through healthier than anyone could think possible."

Amber wiped the tears from her eyes as she embraced Natalie. "Thank you so much. I know that I don't deserve your friendship or even to have you be able to speak to me after what I did. You're an amazing woman, Natalie, and I'm truly honored to call you my friend." Natalie hugged her back tightly. "I'll be completely honest. It took a lot of effort on my part to forgive you for what you did. I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to completely forgive you for it, but I've forgiven you enough to be able to be your friend and a step-mom to your baby."

It was to the scene of two pregnant women embracing and crying that the nurse walked in. She held a small syringe and smiled warmly. "I'm here to give you the epidural and get you started on the Cytotec. I'm going to need you to go outside of the room, Mrs.—" She paused. "Buchanan," a smiling Natalie filled in as she released Amber and pushed herself off the bed. "You can come back in once the epidural takes effect." Natalie nodded and smiled at Amber as she walked out of the room.

She pulled the door shut behind her, leaning against it and closing her eyes as she rubbed her stomach protectively. "Thank god we're not in her situation," she murmured. "I don't know that I could handle that." She slowly pushed off the door and began to walk down the hallway, never seeing the syringe as it plunged into her neck…

TO BE CONTINUED


	11. Chapter 11: Despair and Hope

**Unforgiven**

**Chapter 11: Despair and Hope**

**Author's Note: Yeah, remind me never to forget the recaps again. It's much simpler to recap the last chapter than the last TWO. Thanks. ;) Also, please check the end for a special author's note.**

_Recap: Cristian reveal is over and done with, Cris moved away and John turned himself in for illegal DNA tampering. He has finally seen Natalie for the first time since he went to prison. She made a speech and he admitted to sleeping with and impregnating her friend Amber, a fellow police officer when Natalie had left him. She and Amber cleared the air, with Amber admitting she didn't want the baby, while Kassie (John's lawyer who is playing matchmaker for the pair) told John how lucky he was. John was released from prison, he and Nat made love and she revealed she's pregnant. They made love again and John asked her to marry him. She accepted and then, five months later, she and Amber are at a pregnancy spa when Amber begins having pains. They head to the OB-GYN who has a vendetta against Natalie. It is then revealed she was suffering from placental abruption and her labor had to be induced, and Nat called John who immediately left to come. Amber and Nat bonded over the predicament and then she had to leave as Amber was prepped. As Natalie was walking away from the room a syringe was plunged into her neck…_

Natalie moaned slightly as her vision slowly began to come back into focus. She was kept in the merciful darkness a moment longer before the full pain hit her. She cried out sharply as she felt the various aches and pains shooting through her body, as well as an eerie hollowness in her stomach. The next thing she knew John's face was hovering above her own. "Natalie!" She could see the tear tracks on his face and weakly reached up, stroking his face gently. "John. Why am I here?" she asked, suddenly realizing she was lying in a hospital bed.

John frowned as he reached down to take her hands into his own. "You don't remember?" She frowned in concentration as a blurry memory came back. "The last thing I remember is leaving Amber's room. Then it all goes black." John leaned in and kissed her forehead gently. "Well, apparently you collapsed outside of your room. The nurse found you when she left and they immediately rushed you to be examined." Natalie tried not to let her terror show as she caressed her stomach. "The baby?" John smiled weakly.

"The good news is our daughter is alive. She's in ICU right now for observation, but the doctors believe she's going to be just fine." Natalie's face collapsed into relieved tears as she reached out to embrace John. He took her into his arms, kissing the top of her head fiercely as he tried to form his next words. "Baby, that's not all." Natalie pulled back, knowing from one glimpse at his pain filled eyes that something was horribly wrong. "Oh my god. Is it Amber or her baby?" He shook his head slowly as he gently pushed a strand of hair away from her face.

"No, Amber and her baby are fine." "Then tell me what's wrong. John, you're scaring me," she said, voice trembling. "You had twins. The doctor could only save one of them. I got here half an hour after they were born, and they took me to the morgue—" He closed his eyes and suppressed a shudder at the memory of the tiny body who had looked perfectly healthy, the body not having had enough time for rigor mortis to set in. He forced them open and looked at his fiancée, whose eyes were glassy and cold. "Natalie?"

She slowly lay her head back on the pillow, turning so she wouldn't have to look at him as her hand unconciously traced circles on her stomach. "Was it a boy?" "Yeah. Our son." He tried and failed to keep his voice from cracking and she slowly turned to look at him. The sight of his tears brought her crashing into reality and the back of her hand flew to her mouth as she shook her head violently. She searched for words as her eyes filled with tears, remembering the words she'd spoken just before leaving Amber's room.

_"I don't know that I could handle that."_

The cry she released seemed to come from the very depths of her soul and chilled John to the bone as he gathered her into his arms. The tears flowed fast and hard between the both of them as they mourned the child they'd lost. Natalie's eyes were lost and vulnerable as she looked over John's shoulder, her body shaking with deep, dry sobs. John's eyes were closed tightly as he stroked her hair, wishing that he could do something to stop the pain.

Dr. Brown walked in and Natalie's eyes immediately fixed on him. Questions bubbled up inside of her as she pushed away from John gently. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt." Natalie frowned as she realized she couldn't stop the tears. John moved to sit back in the chair as he took her hand in his, squeezing it gently. She smiled at him weakly even as her heart continued to break. "I'm glad you're here, actually. I really wanted to ask you some questions…"

Half an hour later, Natalie wasn't exactly satisfied with the answers she had received, but she had accepted that they were all that the doctor seemed to know right then. Her son had been stillborn. He'd had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and had never really stood a chance. He couldn't say what had caused her sudden labor, but said it could be a number of things and they'd likely never know. As he walked out of the room, she looked at John. He was watching the doctor go with a strange look on his face.

"John, what's with the look?" He shook his head and the look disappeared. "Nothing—that guy just gives me a bad feeling." He leaned in and softly kissed her before moving so that his forehead was pressed against hers, their lips a hairs breadth apart. "I have an idea." She smiled, trying to hold the tears back for his sake. "What kind of an idea?"

Fifteen minutes later John had gotten permission from the nurses and was wheeling Natalie down the hallway. "Are we going where I think we're going?" she asked, hardly daring to hope. He shushed her. "You'll see." They turned a corner and her breath caught in her throat as she saw the nursery. John wheeled her up to the window and her heart melted at the sight. There were two tiny preemies lying in separate incubators, both so gorgeous it almost broke her heart. "Which one is ours?" she whispered.

Just then the baby nearest the couple scrunched up her face in a tiny yawn, and John felt like his heart could burst from the joy of the moment. "She is," he said in a whisper, feeling the sacredness of the moment. Natalie was crying now. "She's beautiful." John dropped a kiss on the top of her head, remembering the child they'd lost. "Yeah, she is. They both are," he whispered, feeling a sudden rush of hope as he stared at his two daughters.

TO BE CONTINUED

**Author's Note 2: The cause of death for Baby Boy McBain is very close to my heart because my step-aunt's first child died that way. I didn't know her then but I've seen pictures of him in his tiny coffin—it's just very heart wrenching for me to think about. When I have to do something as awful as this (and believe me, I HATE having to do it, but it's for the plot) I tend to use that.**


	12. Chapter 12: Bittersweet

**Unforgiven**

**Chapter 12: Bittersweet**

_Recap: Cris moved away and John turned himself in for illegal DNA tampering. He admitted to sleeping with and impregnating Nat's friend Amber, a fellow police officer when Natalie had left him. She and Amber cleared the air, with Amber admitting she didn't want the baby, while Kassie (John's lawyer who is playing matchmaker for the pair) told John how lucky he was. John was released from prison, he and Nat made love and she revealed she's pregnant. They made love again and John asked her to marry him. She accepted and then, five months later, she and Amber are at a pregnancy spa when Amber begins having pains. They head to the OB-GYN who has a vendetta against Natalie. It is then revealed she was suffering from placental abruption and her labor had to be induced, and Nat called John who immediately left to come. Amber and Nat bonded over the predicament and then she had to leave as Amber was prepped. As Natalie was walking away from the room a syringe was plunged into her neck. She awoke to find out she'd had twins, and one of them was stillborn._

Natalie and John were trying to come up with a name for their tiny daughter when Amber was wheeled in. "Hey, Natalie." They smiled at each other, both remembering their last conversation. "Hey, sweetie. How are you feeling?" She shrugged. "So-so, I guess. How are you doing?" Natalie shook her head. "I'm doing good right now. I don't think everything has fully sunk in yet." Amber nodded. "I get that." She turned to John. "Hey, McBain. We have a little girl needs a name you know."

"We're naming our daughter right now too," Natalie said, giggling slightly. "Oh, okay. Then just come by my room later okay?" She turned to go, but John stopped her. "Why don't we name them together? I mean, they were born on the same day." Amber and Natalie smiled at John, then at each other. "I think that sounds wonderful," Natalie replied. Amber nodded. "I would really like that." "So, what names have you thought of so far?"

"Well, he wants Mary or Susan." Her wrinkled up nose showed her true feelings about those names. "I want Emily or Elizabeth." John shook his head, grinning. "Why are you so set on those names?" "Really want to know?" He nodded. "When I was about fourteen, my teacher offered me a job baby-sitting her kids every day after school for about two hours. They were twin toddlers named—" "Emily and Elizabeth," Amber filled in. Natalie nodded.

"We grew really close—it got so their mom was having me come stay weekends with her because they'd always ask for me. Well, one day Roxy discovered that I was spending all my time with 'brats' as she called them, and she told me she'd be damned if a daughter of hers was going to be a baby-sitter. I had to quit that afternoon, and couldn't even tell their mom the reason why. She had trusted me so much, and I had to betray that. Of course, that betrayal also meant I never got to see Emily or Elizabeth again."

John squeezed her hand gently as she sighed. "They were the most beautiful angelic children you could hope to find, and I guess I just miss them a lot more then I knew." Amber smiled. "Which name do you like best?" John cut in. "I think Elizabeth McBain sounds perfect, don't you?" Natalie's eyes filled with tears as she threw herself into John's arms. He chuckled as she pulled back, wiping her eyes. "Thank you so much. You can't know how much this means to me."

"Well, you can't know how much _you _mean to me, so I guess we're even." She grinned at him. "Elizabeth McBain. It's perfect." Amber watched the two of them, wondering how well her suggestion would go over and not wanting to interrupt the moment. Just then the happy couple turned to her. "So what names have you had in mind?" "Well—" Amber hesitated, studying Natalie's overjoyed face. She had nothing to lose, and if anything it might help make her friend even happier. "I was kind of thinking of Emily."

She smiled as she watched Natalie's eyes light up. "You really don't have to do that, Amber," she whispered softly, and Amber reached over John to grasp her friend's hand. "I know that. I want to." Natalie squeezed her hand gently. "Thank you. Can you believe this?" she said to no one in particular. "We have two little girls who have so much in common—they both have one wonderful father, the same birthday, similar names—" She shook her head. "This is almost like a television show."

Matthew Brown walked wearily into his home, smiling as his six year old grandson ran into his arms. He hugged him close. "How was your day today?" he asked, smiling. The little boy returned the smile and held his hand, dragging him into the living room to see the train set he'd set up. Matthew blinked back tears. There was so much of his daughter inside of her son, and if it wasn't for Natalie Balsom Buchanan then she would have been there to see it…

TO BE CONTINUED


	13. Chapter 13: Revelations

**Unforgiven**

**Chapter 13: Revelations**

_Recap: Amber and Nat bonded over the predicament and then she had to leave as Amber was prepped. As Natalie was walking away from the room a syringe was plunged into her neck. She awoke to find out she'd had twins, and one of them was stillborn. She and Amber named their babies together, Emily and Elizabeth after twins Natalie used to care for. Matthew Brown went home and we learn that he has a grandson whose mother (Matthew's daughter) is no longer around because of something Natalie did…_

It had been three months since the events in the hospital had taken place and both mothers were settling comfortably into a new routine with their children. Amber allowed Emily to spend weekends with her father and his wife, and they were both completely in love with her.

Elizabeth was a sweet, quiet baby much to Natalie's relief. Roxanne had told her about what a "loudmouthed kid" she'd been, and she was grateful that it obviously wasn't genetic. Elizabeth, or Liz as they called her, cried only when she really needed or wanted something. Amber often asked Natalie if she wanted to exchange daughters, because Emily was the exact opposite. She would cry at the drop of the hat, except when she was staying with John and Natalie. Then she seemed to take the hint from Liz and would lie there quietly cooing to herself.

Natalie's late-night thoughts were broken as she turned to look at the clock and saw it was almost time for Liz's feeding. She stood up, making sure not to move the bed so much that it would wake her husband and softly padded down to the kitchen. She fixed the bottle and quietly made her way into her daughter's room. She smiled to see Liz lying there as if she'd been waiting patiently.

Natalie picked her up and moved to the rocking chair, sitting down gently as Liz took the bottle into her mouth greedily. Her eyes moved over her mother's face quickly before stopping to just stare into her eyes as her tiny mouth suckled. Natalie's heart ached from the sweetness of the moment, and she felt like she might burst from all the love she felt.

After she had put Liz back to sleep, Natalie felt a strange urge to look at her baby book. She pulled it from the shelf and began flipping backwards through its' pages. As she turned back to the first page a small sheet of paper fluttered out. She frowned and knelt to pick it up. Her eyes widened as she read it, and the book fell from her hands. It was like everything was in slow motion as she raced down the hallway and shook John awake.

"John, why was this in Liz's baby book?" He squinted in the sudden light from the lamp and yawned. "The doctor gave it to me. I thought it was a little weird but he did save our little girl so I just put it in. Why?" She sat down, trembling violently as she realized why Dr. Matthew Brown had looked so familiar. John sat up, taking her into his arms as she buried her face in the hollow of his neck and continued to tremble.

"Baby, what's wrong?" She pulled back. "I—I might be the reason our son is dead." She stifled a sob, the possibility becoming all too real now that she had said it aloud. "Sweetheart, what are you talking about?" She held the paper up and read it through her tears. "Congratulations on your little girls. Spend every moment with them as if it is your last… It may very well be." John frowned. "Little girls? I don't remember that part—of course I was pretty messed up at the time with you fighting for your life and my finding out our son had died."

Natalie gasped as the memories filled her mind, and she looked at John with pure panic in her eyes. "John, what if my baby isn't the one who's dead?"

TO BE CONTINUED


	14. Chapter 14: Theories

**I owe all of you a huge apology--I had no idea that so much of my work was this far behind over here! I'm going to try and slowly get everything caught up but no promises... **

**However, I'm updating this particular fic with every chapter I have written so far--and I am pleased to announce that I am taking it off hiatus! Hope to have a brand-spanking new chapter for all to read soon!**

**Chapter 14: Theories**

_Recap: Amber and Nat bonded over the predicament and then she had to leave as Amber was prepped. As Natalie was walking away from the room a syringe was plunged into her neck. She awoke to find out she'd had twins, and one of them was stillborn. She and Amber named their babies together, Emily and Elizabeth after twins Natalie used to care for. Matthew Brown went home and we learn that he has a grandson whose mother (Matthew's daughter) is no longer around because of something Natalie did. Three weeks later Natalie was looking in Liz's baby book when a piece of paper fell out. Natalie told John that she might be responsible for their son's death after reading it; then suddenly realized that her baby might not have died._

She saw John's eyes cloud over and desperate, she grabbed his arm. "John, you don't understand. I did something horrible to that doctor years ago, back when I still believed I was a Balsom." He pulled her back into his arms. "Shhhh, it's okay." He gently stroked her hair.

She finally caught her breath and pulled back, taking a deep breath. "I was seventeen," she began slowly. "Roxy had bet some pretty big bucks down at the tracks but it fell through. She needed some quick cash, and that was when she found out from one of her friends about an up and coming doctor named Matthew Salazar." John frowned. "Yeah, he must have changed his name. That's why when I thought he looked familiar I brushed it off as my being paranoid."

John reached over to grab her hand, squeezing it gently. Natalie smiled gratefully at him as she continued. "Matthew was loaded. He saved all his money from his practice and everything for some big mysterious purpose that had something to do with his daughter. Then Roxy found out that he liked to drink and that he liked underage girls." She took a deep breath, closing her eyes against the memory. "She got one of her friends to introduce us to him and after threatening me, she made up some excuse about having to leave. I was terrified, but I did as Roxy told me and got him drunk enough to invite me up to his hotel room."

"You didn't—" Natalie shook her head. "No. I put some Nyquil in his drink while he was gone and then while he was passed out I hunted down his stash of money and took it." Her eyes filled with tears and her voice wavered as she continued. "Then, a few months later I was in the grocery store when I saw the headline. Below it was a picture of Matthew and a beautiful, laughing fifteen-year old. I bought the magazine, and apparently Michelle Salazar was on vacation with some friends in Turkey when she was kidnapped and forced into prostitution."

John shook his head grimly. "Trafficking," he offered. She nodded. "Well, they were doing some kind of an auction thing and it turns out that is what Matthew had been saving all that money for. Before he could get enough saved up again, Michelle was dead." The tears began to spill down her cheeks as John pulled her against his chest, his mind racing as he tried to reconcile the idea of his Natalie doing something like that.

He waited until the sounds of her sobs had turned into occasional sniffles before he ventured the question. "What do you think this has to be with our son?" She pulled back. "Don't you see, John? The note says girls—plural." She took a deep breath. "I think that Emily is our daughter, and Amber's son is the baby who died. Think about it—Emily is only calm when she's around us or Liz, right? And I basically took his daughter away. It's the perfect revenge isn't it?"

John looked hesitant. "I don't know, Natalie. I don't want you getting your hopes up for nothing." "John, please. Call it a mother's instinct, but I have a strong feeling that we're on the right track with this." He shook his head. "I can call in for a DNA test," he offered. "But we don't say anything to Amber until we get the results, got it?" She nodded, throwing her arms around his neck. "What would happen to Matthew if the results come back positive?"

John shook his head. "If they come back positive then he'll be in some major trouble—especially with me." He kissed her gently, thinking about what he was going to do to Matthew Brown if he had caused Natalie this much pain… and what about Amber? She would have to deal with the truth that her son had died at birth after spending three weeks with a child. He knew that if he found out that the doctor had done what Natalie was accusing him of that he would tear him apart with his bare hands…

TO BE CONTINUED


	15. Chapter 15: Answers SMUT

**Chapter 15: Answers**

_Recap: Amber and Nat bonded over the predicament and then she had to leave as Amber was prepped. As Natalie was walking away from the room a syringe was plunged into her neck. She awoke to find out she'd had twins, and one of them was stillborn. She and Amber named their babies together, Emily and Elizabeth after twins Natalie used to care for. Matthew Brown went home and we learn that he has a grandson whose mother (Matthew's daughter) is no longer around because of something Natalie did. Three weeks later Natalie was looking in Liz's baby book when a piece of paper fell out. Natalie told John that she might be responsible for their son's death after reading it; then suddenly realized that her baby might not have died. She told John the story behind what she had done to Michael (the doctor, who had changed his name), and her theory that Emily might be their daughter. He told her he would have a DNA test done on her and thought about what he would do if Natalie were right about the doctor._

The three days since Natalie had come to the realization that her baby might not be dead had been the slowest of her and John's lives. He had managed to get some hair of Emily's crib that she stayed in while with them, and the DNA results were due to come in at any minute as they sat silently at the breakfast table. Liz was still asleep in her upstairs nursery.

Natalie was drumming her fingers impatiently on the tabletop as John flipped a pencil through his fingers. Suddenly the pencil hit the floor and the noise, seemingly impossibly loud, broke the tension as they stared at each other, both beginning to laugh. In the midst of their laughter the phone rang, and they immediately silenced as they listened to it ring. Finally John reached over and picked it up.

"McBain." He listened for a moment and then looked at Natalie, his face betraying no emotion. "Thanks, Jenkins. Nah, that won't be necessary." He hung up the phone and looked at Natalie silently. "What?" she whispered, terrified. "You were right," he whispered. "Emily is your daughter." Her face went pale and he rushed over to catch her as she fainted.

A few minutes later she awoke on the couch to find John leaning over her worriedly and a cool wet cloth pressed to her forehead. "What happened?" He smiled. "You fainted." She scoffed. "Me faint? Never." "From all the tension and nervous anticipation we've been going through this past month, and then with that reveal—it could happen to anybody." She slowly sat up, embracing him. "She's really our daughter?"

"Yeah, you were right." Natalie's eyes filled with tears. "Oh my god," she whispered numbly. "Poor Amber." Her anguished eyes met John's to see the pain there. "No matter how much pain I was in I never wished—" A strangled sob escaped her throat and John pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Of course you didn't. You couldn't, Natalie. You're just not that kind of person."

She smiled gratefully at him even as the tears spilled down her cheeks. "I can't believe this," she whispered as her hand wandered down to caress her stomach. "How do we tell Amber?" John sighed and ran a hand over his hair. "I don't have a clue," he admitted. "How do you tell a woman that she's had your child for the past three weeks and that it was actually her son who died?" John reached out and gently touched her cheek.

"This isn't your fault, you know." "I know, but I still feel guilty. I'm going to be taking away her daughter," she said softly, dropping her gaze to stare at the floor. John gently cupped her chin and brought her eyes up to meet his. "No, you're not. Don't start blaming yourself for this. You're no more responsible for this than I was for Caitlin's death. It took you showing me where to put the blame for me to be able to do that, and you need to take your own advice. Put the blame where it belongs—on Brown."

She smiled weakly through her tears. "You're too good to me," she whispered as she leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss on his lips. He gently tangled his hands in her hair, pulling her head closer and deepening the kiss. She shifted so that she was lying back against the sofa, with him leaning over her. "I can be better," he whispered into her ear, nipping at her earlobe and tugging it gently between his teeth as she moaned.

His fingers moved down to caress her breasts over the long white tee shirt she wore, and she pressed up into his touch as his mouth claimed hers in a hot kiss. Their tongues danced as his fingers gathered the material of the shirt and lifted it up. He pulled away and moved to take her nipple into his mouth through the thin fabric of the shirt. His fingers began to gently stroke her wet core as he pulled the shirt farther up.

Natalie lifted up so that he could take the shirt off, leaving her completely naked underneath him. He smiled in approval at the sight. No matter how many times he saw her exquisite perfection, it always seemed like the first time. He bent his head to her breast and as he slipped one, then two fingers inside of her he took her nipple into his mouth. He kept his fingers perfectly still as he circled the hardened peak with his tongue, then laved the tip.

He lifted his head and marveled at her beauty. Her head was thrown back and her eyes were glazed over with desire as she slowly began to move on his fingers. He chuckled lowly and moved to take her mouth with his own. The moan that was ripped from his throat when Natalie's hand moved to cover his own busy one on her center was swallowed by her as she deepened the kiss. She used her hand to put herself in control of the situation, and lifted her hips off of the couch to give John's fingers more access.

John broke the kiss and moved down her body, removing his fingers and licking them hungrily. Natalie watched with a licentious smile on her face and her breath quickened in anticipation as he parted her legs. She closed her eyes and threw her head back at the sensation of his hot mouth descending on her, his moist tongue darting out to taste her and then retreating. She groaned and thrust her hips upward into his mouth.

His eyes moved up to stare at her face as his tongue continued to tease her. She had a glow about her that gave her a heavenly appearance when she was aroused. He would harden within seconds with just the slightly diminished memory of how she looked at this moment. Eager to prove himself worthy of the gift she gave him, he began to push her to her first peak of many.

Natalie's skin shone with perspiration as John pushed her over another peak. She tugged insistently at his shirt until he obediently moved back up her body. He kissed her passionately, sliding his tongue into her mouth and she licked the taste of herself off of his tongue and then his fingers when he slid those inside of her mouth as well. John groaned at the feel of her hot, tight mouth suckling his fingers and stood up, quickly shedding his clothes.

Then he was positioning himself above her and driving into her. The friction renewed the earlier pleasures and Natalie clung to his shoulders, her nails pressing firmly into his back without worry or care. The pain mingled with the pleasure as he thrust in and out of her. She lay back and grabbed his hips as she thrust her own upward, forcing their bodies as close as physical law would allow.

John knew that he couldn't take much more as he lowered to take her nipple into his mouth, suckling it fiercely as his talented fingers found her clit and massaged it roughly. Natalie gasped and bit down on John's shoulder to keep herself from screaming as she saw stars. Her walls tightened around him and he gasped her name as he spilled his seed inside of her.

Their breath and heart rates both slowly calmed down, and he leaned down to give her a gentle kiss and then stood up, pulling her to her feet. He handed her the discarded shirt as he began to dress. "I guess it's time to get back to the real world," she whispered as she walked upstairs to get Liz. John watched her go and picked up his cell phone.

"Hey, Bo. I need an arrest warrant for one Matthew Salazar, currently going by the alias of Matthew Brown. Yeah, it's urgent and it's personal," he said a hard edge to his voice as he watched Natalie walk down the stairs with their tiny daughter cradled in her arms.

TO BE CONTINUED


	16. Chapter 16: Hope

**Chapter 16: Hope**

_Recap: Amber and Nat bonded over the predicament and then she had to leave as Amber was prepped. As Natalie was walking away from the room a syringe was plunged into her neck. She awoke to find out she'd had twins, and one of them was stillborn. She and Amber named their babies together, Emily and Elizabeth after twins Natalie used to care for. Matthew Brown went home and we learn that he has a grandson whose mother (Matthew's daughter) is no longer around because of something Natalie did. Three weeks later Natalie was looking in Liz's baby book when a piece of paper fell out. Natalie told John that she might be responsible for their son's death after reading it; then suddenly realized that her baby might not have died. She told John the story behind what she had done to Michael (the doctor, who had changed his name), and her theory that Emily might be their daughter. He had a DNA test done and they just got the results that Emily is Natalie's child. He called Bo to get an arrest warrant._

Matthew Brown woke up that morning to the sound of the baby's cries. He cursed under his breath and got up, walking to the small crib that was in his grandson Eric's room. The tiny newborn continued to cry when he picked him up, but he had just eaten and been changed. He walked around the room, bouncing him up and down in the way that had always been a sure way to calm Eric down when he had been a baby. It didn't seem to do the trick for Nathaniel, however.

"Here, Doctor Matthew." The nanny, Katalina had arrived and she rushed to take the baby. She hummed quietly and bounced the baby, who immediately quieted. "Sometimes they need a woman's touch." He smiled at her. "Thank you." Just then the doorbell rang. "I'll get it." He opened the door to see five uniformed police officers outside his door. "Can I help you?"

The woman in the forefront held up an official looking paper. "We have a warrant to search your house, and also one for your arrest." She pulled out handcuffs. "Matthew Salazar, you are under arrest…" "You are crazy!" "You have the right to remain silent," she continued, undeterred.

Katalina came down the stairs still holding the baby. The woman's eyes narrowed. "Ma'am, is that a little boy?" She nodded. "Yes, Dr. Brown adopted him. Why?" "We're going to need you to come down to the station. We have reason to believe that child's mother thinks him dead." She gasped. "No, the doctor wouldn't do that!"

"Yeah, thanks for the heads up." John hung up the phone and smiled at Natalie. "Good news?" she asked. He nodded. "They found a 3-week old baby boy at Salazar's house. According to the nanny he told her and anyone who mattered that he had adopted him. They're running a DNA test right now." "Oh, thank god." She threw her arms around his neck, clinging to him tightly.

Amber was on her way over with Emily so they could tell her the truth. Natalie pulled back as a question entered her mind. "It'll take forty-eight hours, right?" she asked slowly. "Yeah, that's the norm." "So should we tell her that her son might be alive? It'd be so cruel if the baby isn't hers." "She needs all the facts. It may hurt more in the end but she'll be glad that we gave her the whole truth."

Just then there was a knock on the door. Natalie swallowed and opened the door. Amber stood there with Emily in the carrier, and she smiled uncertainly as her friend stood aside and let her come in. They walked into the living room and she set Emily down on the floor beside the couch, taking a seat. "So what's so urgent?" John reached out to give Natalie's hand a gentle squeeze. "We have some big news." She took a deep breath. "Emily—Emily is my daughter, Liz's twin."

Amber started laughing. "You had me really worried there for a minute. So there's no urgent news?" She shook her head. "You guys have a sick sense of humor." "Amber, we're not kidding." John silently handed her the DNA report, and she read the relevant part. Her jaw dropped and her eyes frantically searched their faces, trying to find some clue that this was all an elaborate, cruel joke. In her heart she knew it was the truth. John and Natalie weren't the type of people who would do something like this, and a sob ripped from her throat before she could stop it.

"Amber—" "So my son is dead? Is that what you're telling me?" Her voice was eerily calm, and Natalie exchanged a worried look with John as she moved to sit beside the younger woman. "That's the thing. Dr. Brown is the one who gave you Emily, and the police arrested him this morning. There was a nanny there with a three-week old little boy." A slight gasp escaped Amber's lips as her eyes lit up with hope.

"They're doing a DNA test right now. It'll be forty-eight hours before we know anything unless Matthew decides to do the right thing." Just then the phone rang, and all three of them looked over at it uncertainly. Natalie was the one who finally stood up and walked over to the small table, answering it. "Hello?"

TO BE CONTINUED


	17. Chapter 17: The Past Revisited

**Chapter 17: The Past Revisited**

_Recap: Natalie found out that she'd had twins, and one of them was stillborn. She and Amber named their babies together, Emily and Elizabeth after twins Natalie used to care for. Matthew Brown went home and we learn that he has a grandson whose mother (Matthew's daughter) is no longer around because of something Natalie did. Three weeks later Natalie was looking in Liz's baby book when a piece of paper fell out. Natalie told John that she might be responsible for their son's death after reading it; then suddenly realized that her baby might not have died. She told John the story behind what she had done to Michael (the doctor, who had changed his name), and her theory that Emily might be their daughter. He had a DNA test done and they just got the results that Emily is Natalie's child. He called Bo to get an arrest warrant. Matthew was arrested and found to have a 3-week old little boy in his care that he and the nanny claimed he had adopted. Nat and John told Amber the truth and that_

Natalie listened to the voice on the other end for a moment before thanking them, hanging up and returning to her seat beside Amber. "Who was on the phone?" Natalie smiled wryly. "It was Asa, begging me to give him the location where Matthew's being held so he can give his rifle some exercise." John shook his head and grinned. "So the story's hit the papers." Natalie nodded. "It would appear so."

Amber stood up, wiping her tears away. "Look, I—I think I need to go home and just by myself for a while. Call me at the first sign of news, okay?" She hugged Natalie, who whispered something in her ear. She shook her head as she broke the embrace, smiling painfully at her. "No, I'll be fine." She bit her lip and looked down at Emily. "I'll get her things together and bring them over in a little bit," she said softly. "There's really no rush—" "I think it will help me accept the reality faster. I need to do it."

Natalie wrapped her arms around John, laying her head on his chest as the younger woman left. "She took that better than I'd expected," John said. Natalie shook her head, tightening her grip on his neck as she lifted her head to look into his eyes. "It hit her hard—she just didn't want to fall apart in front of us."

Amber had run the entire way home, not wanting to be enclosed in the small space of her car just yet. Now she walked inside of the house, shutting the door and collapsing against it. She slowly sank to the ground as she caught sight of the bottles on the drain board. There was an air or normalcy as her eyes roamed over the house that clashed relentlessly with her inner turmoil. She still couldn't bring herself to cry, not even when she stood up and made her way into the nursery.

The walls were a soft blue and noticeably lacking was the normal nursery fare of cartoon animals. It looked like a normal room, just with a crib and stuffed animals. There was also a rocking chair in the corner where she had given Emily so many of her feedings and then rocked her to sleep. Her eyes filled with tears as she picked up the tiny teddy bear whom had taken up a permanent residence in the corner of the crib and moved to sit in the chair. They finally spilled down her cheeks as she began to rock, humming softly as she finally began to accept that Emily wasn't her child.

The next night, Natalie and John were sitting on the couch watching television when there was a knock on the door. Nat frowned and extracted herself from John's arms with a little trouble, as he was asleep with his head on her shoulder. She walked quietly to open the door, wondering who on earth could be visiting them this late at night. She frowned at the young woman standing there. The young woman gasped in recognition at Natalie. "Natalie Balsom?"

Natalie's hand flew to her mouth as she realized who the woman on her doorstep was, and she stepped back. "Come in, please. What brings you here, Katalina?" "Well, I heard that a Natalie McBain was involved with my employer's case and came here to plead with her, but unless you've changed drastically in the years since I've seen you then I know there's got to be some truth behind these accusations. I had hoped—" Natalie frowned and held a hand up as they both sat at the kitchen table. "Wait. Backtrack. Your employer?"

"I'm Matthew Brown—Salazar, whoever's—nanny. I've taken care of Eric for about a year and a half now, and I've cared for little Nathaniel since he brought him home." She blinked back tears, and Natalie frowned. "Eric?" She nodded. "Eric is his grandson." "He has a grandson?" She nodded. "You know about Michelle?" "Yes," Natalie replied, not caring to elaborate further. "Well, a few months before she died she had Eric and the men who held her captive complied with her request to send him to Matthew to raise."

A wave of nausea swept over Natalie as all of the pieces fell into place. The man might have been able to live with his daughter dying, but her little boy had been left motherless. Before she could feel sympathetic, she reminded herself that Matthew had had similar plans for Amber's son. "How old is he?" "He's six. This is going to hurt him so badly," Katalina said softly. "Matthew may have done some wrong things, but he and Eric are so close…" Her voice trailed off.

"I can't feel sorry for him, Katalina. I'm sorry, but he took my little girl and told me that my baby was dead. Now the woman who has had my child for the last three weeks is in her home alone, wondering if her child is dead or alive. I can't have any sympathy for the man who has put us through all this pain. I just can't." Katalina shook her head. "I didn't expect you to. When I came here, I was convinced of his innocence. I told myself that nobody could be as loving as he is to Eric and then do something like this."

"So what changed your mind?" Natalie asked. "You did. The second I saw you, I remembered how you were with Emily and Elizabeth. We were friends then, and hopefully you still consider me your friend." "Of course I do. You were the only person I could really talk to about Roxy, and I was always grateful for that." "You know, I explained to my mom about why you quit. She told me I should have told her before so she could've offered you a place to live. You were like a fourth daughter to her."

"Was?" Katalina nodded, wiping the stray tears that had escaped away. "She had cancer. She died about two years ago. Emily, Elizabeth and I all live with our grandparents right now. Matthew knew, and he'd give me bonuses when he could tell we were struggling." Natalie's eyes filled with tears as she remembered the woman who been so motherly towards her, and her hand moved to gently touch Katalina's. "I'm sorry."

Suddenly John's cell phone rang, and Natalie quickly answered it. "McBain." She listened for a moment, then laughed. "It's the female McBain, Jenkins. What's up?" She listened and her eyes grew wide with shock. "Are—are you sure? All right. I'll tell him. Thank you." She hung up the phone and looked at Katalina. "I hate to do this, but I just got some major news about Nathaniel." "What is it?" She shook her head. "I need to tell John first. Look, why don't you come back over here around ten in the morning and have breakfast with us? Then I'll tell you everything."

Katalina nodded and embraced her. "I hope the news was good, whatever it was," she said as she walked to the front door and let herself out. Natalie watched her go and then went to the couch, gently shaking John until he awoke. "I just got the call about the baby."

TO BE CONTINUED


	18. Chapter 18: Unexpected Turns

**Chapter 18: Unexpected Turns**

_Recap: Three weeks later Natalie was looking in Liz's baby book when a piece of paper fell out. Natalie told John that she might be responsible for their son's death after reading it; then suddenly realized that her baby might not have died. She told John the story behind what she had done to Michael (the doctor, who had changed his name), and her theory that Emily might be their daughter. He had a DNA test done and they just got the results that Emily is Natalie's child. He called Bo to get an arrest warrant. Matthew was arrested and found to have a 3-week old little boy in his care that he and the nanny claimed he had adopted. Nat and John told Amber the truth and then she went home to try to deal with the truth. Meanwhile Katalina (Matthew's nanny) was revealed to be Emily and Elizabeth's namesakes' older sister. She left when Natalie got the phone call about the baby boy and she woke John up._

"I just got the call about the baby." John sat up, instantly alert. "Is he Amber's?" Natalie nodded hesitantly. "Yeah, but John—" He looked at her. "What?" Her eyes clouded over. "The lab technicians did the test for paternity too, and he's not your son." John's head spun with the revelation as he tried to process her words. "What?" She reached out to grab his hand, but he jerked it away.

"I—I need to be alone," he whispered. He must have seen the hurt in her eyes because he leaned over to press a gentle kiss to her lips. She reached down to squeeze his hand gently, her heart breaking for him. "Are you going to be okay?" He ran the back of his hand over her hair gently. "As long as I have you and our girls, I'll be fine. I just need to try to deal with this on my own right now." She nodded. "Do you want me to call Amber now or wait until morning?"

He hesitated. "Call her. She should know that her son is all right. But don't tell her about the paternity test. I want to be the one to confront her about that." Natalie nodded and kissed his cheek. "I love you." "I love you too." She gave his hand one final squeeze and stood to her feet. "I know you know this, but if you need to talk—" He stood up, embracing her and kissing the top of her head gently. "I know. And I will be taking you up on that."

She watched as he opened the front door and disappeared from her sight, sighing as she picked up the phone and dialed Amber's number. She told Amber that her son was alive, but urged her to stay at home for the moment. After hanging up, she grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat on the couch, staring at the front door as she waited for her husband to walk back through it.

She only had to wait for a few hours before the door opened. She watched quietly as he shut and locked the door, then walked over to the couch. He sat down beside her with a long, drawn out sigh. "I can't believe this," he whispered. Natalie turned his head to meet her gaze, wiping the tears from his eyes and giving him a soft kiss. "Shhh," she whispered, pulling his head to her chest and stroking his hair gently.

She felt his tears began to soak her shirt and tightened her grip as she kissed the top of his head fiercely. No matter how close she and Amber had grown, she didn't think that she could forgive her for hurting John this way. They remained entwined on the couch for hours, eventually falling asleep in each other's arms.

The next morning found the couple waking up to find that sometime in the night they had shifted their positions so that they were lying down, face to face with foreheads touching and their arms wrapped around each other. Natalie smiled sleepily at him as he raised himself on his arms slightly, leaning over to capture her lips in a gentle kiss. She felt herself melt as his tongue slowly traced her lips. He pulled back, smiling softly and brushing the hair from her face.

"How did I get this lucky?" he whispered, his hand reverently tracing the contours of her face. She smiled and had just opened her mouth to answer when a loud cry rang out from the upstairs bedroom. They both laughed. "Somebody doesn't want her daddy getting an inflated ego," she teased good-naturedly. He smiled as he stood up, yawning. He reached a hand down and pulled Natalie up and into his arms. Her breath caught in her throat at the desire swimming in his blue eyes as he claimed her mouth with his.

She moaned as he began to nuzzle her neck, and it turned into a gasp as his tongue darted out to taste her skin. "John—the girls," she protested as he lowered them back down to the couch. He chuckled lowly in his throat as his hand moved over her breast. "Just remember where we left off," he whispered in her ear, his raspy voice shooting waves of desire through her. She didn't know how she managed to get to her feet and make her way up the stairs, but somehow she did.

"Don't you think you could have mentioned something like that to me?" Amber snapped. She listened for a moment and rolled her eyes. "Maybe so that I wouldn't get so attached to that little girl in case something like this happened?" She sighed. "Yes, Natalie already called me. She doesn't suspect a thing," she said, satisfaction evident in her tone.

Five minutes later Amber was humming quietly to herself as she prepared to go get her son. Things hadn't gone quite like she had planned, but in the end she knew everything would be fine. Her husband had too many connections to stay in prison for too long.

TO BE CONTINUED


	19. Chapter 19: Confrontation

**Chapter 19: Confrontation**

Natalie hung up the phone and looked at John, biting her lip. "She's on her way," she said, talking about Amber of course. She saw the way John's shoulders and jaw tightened at her name and was very glad Katalina had agreed to watch the girls for the day. She walked over to place a gentle hand on John's shoulder. "John, I know you're not ready for this. To be honest, I'm not either. But I want to be with you when you confront her about this."

He lifted her hand off of his shoulder and brought it to his lips, kissing it gently. "I know her lie hurt you too, Natalie. I wouldn't have you be anywhere else." She smiled slightly as she stood on tiptoe to press a kiss against his lips. "Thank you for not trying to protect me." "Well, I learned the hard way that the best way to protect someone is to tell them the whole truth and let them make their own choices."

The doorbell ringing broke the moment, and Natalie took a deep breath as she gave John's hand a quick squeeze. They walked into the living room, both steeling themselves for the confrontation they knew was coming. Natalie's hand was trembling as she reached to open the door, but John's small smile reassured her that they were going to make it through this.

Amber plastered on a smile as the door swung open. It faded when she saw the somber expressions on John and Natalie's faces. "What's wrong?" she asked, trying to act as though she hadn't just checked on her son. "Is it the babies?" "No, of course not." Natalie finally stepped aside and let her enter.

"Oh, okay. So what is it then?" She frowned as they led her to the couch and all three sat down. "Amber, we know the truth." John's voice was quiet and tight with pain, and Amber sat back with shock. "What truth?" "Don't play dumb with us. The labs did a paternity test and we know that your son isn't John's child. I'm trying really hard to keep my temper, but it won't last long so you had better start explaining."

Amber breathed a silent sigh of relief even as she slipped into her role of the confused woman who wasn't smart enough to realize she'd been found out. "What are you talking about? He has to be the father!" she insisted shrilly. "Amber, cut the crap and tell us the truth." Natalie's voice was cold and calm as she seethed inwardly.

Tears began to fall from Amber's eyes but they did nothing to dissuade Natalie. "Tell us who the father is or get your ass out before I do something I'll regret." Her voice was trembling with anger and it was all she could do to keep herself from reaching across John and slapping the truth out of her. Suddenly Amber's control broke at the disarming superiority in Natalie's voice. "You want the truth?" "Yes!" She closed her eyes and bit the words back, counting to ten. She was on the verge of screwing up everything she and her husband had worked so hard for.

Mask firmly back in place, Amber began to tell her carefully pre-constructed story. "It was a one night thing," she began softly. "It was a few nights before John and I—" She swallowed. "It was just a one-night thing. We had been friends for a while, and we both needed it. He told me the next morning that he couldn't be just friends anymore, but I didn't want anything more. So he left—and I mean left town left." Another tear slipped down her cheek.

"Then I found out I was pregnant and I guess I just kind of ignored the possibility that it could be Julian's baby. Please don't hate me for it," she begged, turning her widened eyes from Natalie and then to John. "You both have been so amazing. I can't stand to think I might have ruined it." A moment of tense silence passed, and then John spoke.

"I'm sorry that you had to go through that pain," he began slowly, not quite sure how to express what he needed to. Natalie gave his hand a gentle squeeze and he turned to smile softly at her before returning his attention to Amber. "But—you put me through a hell of a lot. I lost a son, and then just when I thought I was getting him back he was snatched away from me again." He shook his head and took a deep breath, forcing himself to stay strong. Breaking down would come later.

Natalie took over, the two of them having discussed this in depth already. "What John's trying to say is that we don't think that we could trust you again." She took a deep breath, gathering her courage to say what needed to be said. "We don't want you to be a part of our lives, or the girls' either." Amber's eyes widened and she nodded, taking a deep breath as her face twisted in a mixture of emotions.

"I understand," she whispered, standing to her feet. She shook her head and brushed the tears. "I guess I'm really just relieved that I don't have to live with this secret hanging over my head anymore. Thank you both for being so kind to me—I won't forget it." She smiled through her tears and quickly turned to leave.

"Amber, wait."

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
